couples counselingparenting

Why Men Criticize Their SAHM Wives

Many couples who see me for counseling are struggling with the demands of parenting small children.  Frequently, the husband works outside the home, in a classic financial provider role, and the wife stays at home with kids under 5.  There can be a great deal of conflict when the men criticize their wives, which then often leads to the wives retreating in hurt and anger (and then, of course, not wanting to have sex, among other issues).

In this article, I’m discussing a specific subset of SAHM’s: the ones that enjoy being home with the kids, but aren’t great at housekeeping or sticking to a routine.  The criticism usually doesn’t start until the man thinks the wife is “supposed to” be dealing better with things and have her life more under control, so basically anytime after about 3 months post-partum.  The older the kids get, the more angry men get when their wives don’t seem to “have it together,” and then they say things like this:


– “If she’s home all day, why is the house a mess?”

– “Why is she always running late or cancelling things?  She’s home all day.”

– “Why can’t she make dinner if she’s home all day?”

– “Why doesn’t she get out more and do more activities with the kids?”

– “All she does is go on Facebook.”

– “She doesn’t care about her looks.”  (Read the comments under this article for examples of this criticism.)

– “My mom kept the house spotless, kept all us kids in line, and had dinner ready every night.”

For the sake of argument, let’s assume that all of these things are true.  They often are.  But, there are a few important truths about stay at home moms that could help husbands understand what’s going on.

1. Being a good housekeeper and organizer is often incompatible with being a good SAHM, by today’s definition.

Today’s SAHM’s are supposed to play with their kids, a lot.  They are also supposed to feed their kids healthy food and limit screen time.  Furthermore, small kids aren’t allowed to play alone outside anymore, and toddler and babies never were.  Independent time for babies used to be an hour in a playpen and now it’s 15 minutes while mom is nearby.  If your wife is a devoted SAHM, she is playing pretend, making crafts, and preparing veggies for your kid’s snack.  She therefore doesn’t have the time that your own mom had to make three wonderful meals per day for a family of five, vacuum the house top to bottom daily, and get the laundry done.  Relatedly…

2. SAHM’s are isolated.

It is very recent that women with small kids were left completely alone during the day.  People used to live near extended family, or with them.  Your wife is lonely and overwhelmed because it’s unnatural for one adult and one or two or three kids to be together for ten hours a day.  Your wife has nobody to help make lunch, or watch a kid for a second, or anything.  This, when you think about it, is a bizarre way to raise kids, but it’s what she’s working with here.  If she doesn’t go on Facebook, she doesn’t have any social life at all.  Yeah, she could go to a Mom’s group.  But that’s about an hour twice a week or something.  People also used to have many more kids, so a preteen could help with the baby.  Now, that’s a rare situation. Incidentally, many women have undiagnosed post-partum depression or anxiety, and this is not helped by feeling alone.

3. SAHM’s are often Type B, to counterbalance their Type A husbands.

Two Type A people don’t often work well together.  In a lot of couples I see with the critical-husband/hurt-SAHM-wife dynamic, the husband is high-powered and Type A, and very motivated but also kind of self-absorbed.  The reason he was drawn to his wife is that she was calm, caring, and listened to him talk about himself a lot.  She was also probably flexible, and built her schedule around his. All this flexibility and go-with-the-flow nature doesn’t lend itself to remembering to defrost something for dinner every day. But it does make you calm and patient with kids.

4. SAHM’s are very tired.

Often, the husband who asks, “Why can’t she go to the gym?” holds himself up as an example of a busy guy who makes time for physical fitness.  But if you ask when he goes to the gym, it’s before work.  So who’s getting up with the kids even earlier and is even more tired?  His wife.  When you’re tired, you don’t want to work out.  You don’t want to deal with dropping the kids at gym daycare, where they may throw a fit.  All you want to do is get through the day as best you can, hopefully without losing your mind.  On my maternity leaves and my days home with my kids, I am far more tired then during my days at work.  Work is intellectually challenging and not physical.  SAHMing is the reverse, and is exhausting as a result.

5. SAHMing works best for people who go with the flow.

Laid back people are great with kids, for the long haul, day in and day out, and in stressful situations.  People like these Type A husbands, and myself, and many women who say that they would go nuts if they didn’t work, are good with kids IN TIME LIMITED AMOUNTS WHEN THERE IS LIMITED EXTERNAL STRESS.  So, Type A people can have an awesome adventure or do a cool project with their kids, but get itchy when a whole day stretches before them, with all of the snack-making, refereeing sibling fights, wiping up spills, taking kids potty that an entire day entails.  Type A people often cannot be home with kids unless they can take them from activity to activity (this is how I schedule my days with the kids).  Type B people, like the wives I’m talking about in this article, provide a calm, warm, flexible environment for kids to engage in unstructured play, which is important for their developing brains.

So before you criticize your SAHM wife for not keeping a tight ship, think about these factors.  It is more likely that your kids will remember cuddle time and laughter with mom than whether she had dinner on the table at 6 every night or there was dust on the shelves.  And remember, at work, people likely smile at you, or at the very least, they don’t scream at you and piss on you, literally.  People say “thank you” or “good work” to you sometimes.  You may even get a promotion now and again.  Your wife gets none of this.  She also doesn’t get any financial rewards for her work. Read Bringing Up Bebe and All Joy and No Fun for a crash course in why American parenting is tough, especially for SAH parents. So why not thank your wife for giving your children a loving, present parent, and cut her a break.

Share this if you agree!  Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Kids Who Grow Up With An Easy Going Parent Will Be Less Stressed People.

For therapy, go here for Dr. Whiten and go here for other clinicians in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health. For coaching with Dr. Whiten, go here. Order Dr. Whiten’s books, 52 Emails to Transform Your Marriage and How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, and listen to The Dr. Psych Mom Show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere else you listen to podcasts.

This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional. If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. This is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person.

Facebook Comments


Previous post

11 Things Moms Need To Splurge On

Next post

I Wish I Had a Daughter


  1. Michelle
    July 17, 2015 at 1:37 pm — Reply

    Good article wish I could pass this on about 5 years ago. I am SAHM who has now older kids and although I have a small home business – (keeps me busy but not necessarily brings in a steady income) while they are at school- I still have challenges expressing to husband that my presence is still necessary for both them and me & I do not want to go back to work after staying home for so many years and probably would have to do something that does not even interest me since I have not been in the work force for over 13 years. I would love to see an article on this subject as well…

    • July 17, 2015 at 4:57 pm — Reply

      want me to write it up as a reader question? best if you can elaborate his position as well. thanks for reading and commenting too!

      • Lisa Howell
        July 20, 2015 at 10:50 am — Reply

        I would also love to read an article about stay at home moms with older kids. My husband and I had some issues when the kids were younger but not near as many as since they have gotten older and are now all in school. The issues are different…but still the same. When I try to explain what I do all day…all the household things plus PTO work at 3 separate schools, ortho appointments, Dr appointments for my son with Tourettes (60 min of driving one way), IEP appointments, tutoring, small part time job 2 hrs a day on school days…and every night I hear did you get paid for that? Why didn’t you water the plants or collect eggs, etc? And then as soon as I mention getting a full time job all 4 of the kids say NO and my husband shuts down. Depression, loneliness at home, stress to get it all done and bring in some money…the cycle of my husband and I hanging on to each other in a raging storm but having to push the other under the water so we can take a breath ourselves. Love staying at home…Love my husband…do not love having to feel like I have to choose. And yes…can post as a reader question. 🙂

      • Matt
        September 25, 2020 at 5:37 pm — Reply

        This article may have saved my marriage. I feel like it was written exactly for me and really helped me to see my wife’s point of view. I’m really going to work in going easier on her and giving her more grace. Thank you.

    • Lindsay Curry
      January 21, 2019 at 8:36 am — Reply

      I agree!! This is something I could use some advice on as well!!

  2. Anon E. Moose
    July 20, 2015 at 10:07 am — Reply

    Many, though not all, of your complaints describe things I’ve observed in my marriage.

    However, I don’t see how any of your 5 points relate to any of the observable problems. If a marriage is a partnership, both partners need to contribute to the best of their abilities. Not just cop out to say “Well, I’m a type B personality so I don’t really work and stuff.”

    Being a SAHP is a job, a hard and important one. You know what is also a hard and important job? Earning an income to pay for it all. My spouse has accused me of not respecting them for being a SAHP. My response was that I’d respect the hell out of them if they did the job well. Just imagine how the SAHP would react if the breadwinner came home and said “Well, I got distracted by Betty in the office having a temper tantrum so there is no paycheck this week.” That’s how the breadwinner feels when they come home to find the house is a hot mess and “Oh, can you pick up Chinese food or pizza for dinner?” for the third time this week. The other two weeknights were frozen convenience meals. On the weekends, I cook — and clean, because, well… because I’m the one bothered by a dirty house, so why shouldn’t I clean?

    • July 20, 2015 at 1:48 pm — Reply

      the issue here is definition of SAHP. for me and many others, definition is primarily to love and care for the kids. for the men in the article, it’s to keep a clean house. when people can truly afford the best in help, there is a nanny and then a separate housekeeper. the nanny caring for the kids is considered the full time job.

      • Shanna
        June 14, 2017 at 7:47 pm — Reply

        Yes!!!! Yes!!!

    • Amy
      February 17, 2020 at 2:35 pm — Reply

      Those frustrations are very valid, but saying to someone struggling that she just needs to do her job well and that she should do it if you can is kind of being a jerk. Learning to be a homemaker and a stay at home mom, both new skill sets on their own separately, let alone combining them, does not come easily to most. Past generations were good at the house part but not so great at the taking care of littles part; now it is swapped. Doing both CAN be done, not as well as some men would like, but it can be done well, unlike what some moms think. I can’t stand the resignation to perpetual chaos but I do get it can start to feel hopeless especially when we are getting torn down by our spouses at the same time . Happy Gal (Jenny Layton’s) organization program is the best at this, but it does take time, especially when perpetually exhausted. I have always cooked every day, and my husband does not help much at all as he is busy, but it often is a mess. I admit my lack of competence in this area but it’s not for being lazy idiot; I am just learning new skills… While being constantly exhausted physically and emotionally. but I do not give up. I am working very hard to learn the Happy Gal program for better routines, and my house has greatly improved as a result. Men need to stop the comparisons to what things should look like and look at what concrete steps she is taking to improve. I WILL have that well run home with children. I am already getting there!! And it had not even been very hard really; I just needed Jenny Layton’s program that actually works.

  3. MrsOgg
    July 23, 2015 at 10:53 am — Reply

    This is by far the best explanation of this dynamic that I’ve read. Most of the articles trying to explain the position of a stay at home mom are just not relatable to a very type A husband in my opinion. But I think since you are both a woman/mom and Type A you are obviously in a unique position to be able to see it from BOTH sides. Thank you for taking the time to write this! This will be the very first article of this kind that I will be sharing with my Type A husband. Also plan to share with my other friends married to doctors as this I think is a fairly common dynamic in Doctor/SAHM marriages.

    PS- you mentioned the exhausting nature of full-time parenting. That didn’t even take into consideration when you are also pregnant which is exhausting in and of itself. Another thing men won’t be able to fully grasp since they don’t experience it.

  4. Melanie campbell
    July 24, 2015 at 10:57 pm — Reply

    I can agree with this article 100%. However I would like to know or read about single parents who have to do it all. I raised 3 kids, worked full time (40+hrs a wk) went to school Monday -Friday from 7-3pm and still kept a clean house, had long study groups, took kids to sports, had family time. I did this everyday their whole lives with school being just for a year. This was not easy at all but when you are the only one then it gets done one way or another. I never envied those that had the other parent. I know that I did this when I look at my children and see how they have made something of themselves. Being a hard working productive single mom was the hardest job but with the best rewards. I taught my children well and that through love,dedication and hard work, any and all things are possible. So to all the type A people if u don’t like what is going on at home then try doing it all by yourself

    • Jessica
      March 4, 2017 at 1:10 pm — Reply

      I would be happy to explain this to you, Melanie. Someone else watched your kids while you were at work and school. So you weren’t solely responsible for every meal, every diaper change, every bump, every meltdown. My sister did the same thing while in grad school with 2 toddlers. It was extremely difficult to manage it al, but she dropped them off at daycare for 8-10 hours a day. I work FT from home, run a business part-time and mom 24/7 with the exception of a sitter when I have meetings outside my home office (1 hour/week). Trust me when I tell you that you don’t get it – being 100% mom 24/7 is a whole different dynamic than having help from daycare. His article isn’t for you and you are barking up the wrong tree if you’re hunting for sympathy or a you’re so amazing from here.

    • Jen
      June 2, 2018 at 10:32 am — Reply

      With all due respect, it gets done because the home isn’t being lived in. If we weren’t *in* our home all day (due to work, kids at day care, family outings/errands…etc), it wouldn’t be such a mess. But it’s a catch-22 because while we do take our kids out of the house sure it’s not getting any messier, it’s also not getting any cleaner when we aren’t there in the middle of it doing the cleaning…while most kids under 5 are making another mess quietly in another part of the home.

      I honestly think your comparison is what perpetuates these “Mommy wars” and constant judgement/comparing. No one was made to be scored by the exact same rubric on every facet of life, so it would be nice if it would stop being talked about as if it is a comparable issue.

    • Cathy
      December 30, 2020 at 5:14 am — Reply

      Wow Melanie so glad you got to pawn your children off… congrats you just win the mother of the year award…for being in your children’s lives the least!

      • Rose
        October 14, 2022 at 1:32 am — Reply

        Some of these replies to the single mom are sickening. Get off your high horse. I was a working mom at one point, and am now blessed to be a stay at home mom. Both are challenging, but in very different ways. This woman is proud of herself, as she should be. Her comment isn’t condescending — your replies all are.

  5. Melissa
    June 29, 2017 at 8:54 pm — Reply

    Especially for what appears to be his young daughter. Hopefully she has an appropriate male role model in her life

  6. That gut feeling
    August 28, 2017 at 2:50 pm — Reply

    Oh juzus. All men are monsters…lol, we should just all turn gay …woman love gay men …
    nobody talks about how girls are spoonfed the princess theory and how it makes it impossible for any man to make them feel loved because the parents and the world have made them believe their value is much higher than anyone else because they are told how pretty and smart and special they are when realistically most little princesses that turn into mom’s can’t do anything without thinking they deserve a global achievement award for their every effort….we don’t always get credit for being a good person but we do it because it’s the right thing to do….
    Please nevebforget that bein a mom is rewarded by the love you share with your child and most men get nothing but a play by play of how hard their wives day were upon arriving home instead of affection and respect….you make yourself the victim long before anyone ever lashes out against you..most of you…I was a great ,kind ,living father who always praised his wife ,bragged constantly toy to all people how perfect she was including to her own ears.. after 12 years she informed me that I was a terrible person and didn’t care about anything but myself and she was a complete victim for having to stay home with our one child while she took at least one week long vacation every single year and at least 12 girls nights out Peery year and had at least five girlfriends revolving in and out of her life each was her best friend for whatever. They were together while my entire life shut down and all I did was work and come home to be with my family and receive criticism and scrutiny for my every action, all of my friendships were dissolve slowly over the years because I simply did not have time for them, I was a very very good guy and now I have identified the problem as the misinterpretation of Western Society, don’t get me wrong but white people have messed up this entire damn planet and I believe I have the right to say that because I am white and I used to be part of that same reciprocal problem. I have since let go of all of my attraction to Western civilization and I have found a much more peaceful life and appreciation for all of the simple things. I do not care what kind of car I drive or what color my phone is I do not care where my neighbors take their vacation I do not bother with social media I do not entertain observing the information of media and news or television, I live an absolutely abundantly fruitful life just enjoying being alive and grateful to be in such an amazing world. More people should look inside of themselves before trying to find others to blame. I have met a woman who has three children that she has raised on her own and she is not bitter about anything her former husband was exactly the guy not all of the women on here think they have in their life and she had the dignity to leave him instead of blaming him and I wish more women would do the same. If you are not happy leave do not Place hurdles in front of you and blame things on what the outcome would be for your children have some dignity and some strength and make the change you need.stop being a victim of your own compliance. I think far too often it is just much easier for lazy people to stay in situations where they have something to blame other than themselves

    • Jj
      September 8, 2017 at 7:04 pm — Reply

      Nice misogyny! Keep it up!!

    • Anna
      January 12, 2018 at 9:06 am — Reply

      Aww. Someone has a victim complex himself. Spare me the theatrics, little boy. Women haven’t been spoonfed a “princess” mentality. They’re spoonfed misogyny and it has been that way since the beginning of time. Don’t give me that “men aren’t praised for working” garbage. You’re praised for it all the time. That’s the problem. Women are told they’re lazy when they stay at home. Women do everything for you. They cook for you, clean for you, fake their orgasms so that your fragile male ego can remain intact, and they do it all even when they’re the primary breadwinner (how quickly you forget that the majority of women who are breadwinners STILL do the housework as well). All this isn’t even counting how women can’t “have it all” whereas men can. You got the wrong idea from the story so I’m guessing your “one woman hurt me so all women are bad” attitude is rooted in privileged ignorance. I’d like to hear her side because I’m guessing she has a LOT to say on the subject. What I think is the problem is that you’re a whiny, spoiled brat who can’t handle any type of criticism toward males (this isn’t even criticizing males, by the way. Trust me, I know what that stuff is). Also, you should check out all the other articles on this site because your whole “women think men are monsters” inference will be shot down before you can even blink. I JUST read something on here where a woman works all day and her stay-at-home husband does nothing (surprise, surprise), but the woman didn’t call him a bad person at all. Believe it or not, there is also another article about a woman who is lazy at home. Maybe you should realize that a lot of women stay in these relationships because they love their husbands and the vow they made means something to them, regardless of the issues they’re having. Maybe you should also tell all those males complaining about their wives and how nobody should get married should “leave instead of complaining.” Now quit your whining and go spew your “red pill” tripe somewhere else. It’s not needed here. *sigh* There’s ALWAYS that one, isn’t there?

      • Matthew
        August 28, 2018 at 11:35 am — Reply

        Nice rebuttal!

      • seriously80
        January 11, 2020 at 4:51 am — Reply

        Spare us lol, stay at home partners have it easy plain and simple. They act like they are the only ones with stress and the working partner wants to go to work so he can have a grand ol time and get away from home.

        What does the stay at home partner have to stress over seriously? If the working partner fails the family goes to the streets, they dont eat, they cant get care from a doctor if they get sick, what about home maintence? Furnace goes out well they fix it or your family freezes, car needs work they fix it or you cant get to the store to get groceries or make it to appointments, etc

        What happens if the stay at home partner fails? The house gets a little messy? The kids have dirty clothes? You have to order pizza/takeout for dinner, the dishes pile up a bit, your late scheduling a dental appointment for a cleaning?

        Working partner out all day busting there ass off, being yelled at by customers (cant send a customer to timeout can you?), ruining their back coming home sore, or mind numbed or both. Come home and we bear it in silence we dont say anything we dont want another argument over something so rediculous as leaving our cup next to the sink after we get a drink…

        Stay at home partners have 18 years where its gets easier and easier as time goes by, working partner well they gonna be doing the grind until they cant do it anymore most well into their 60’s and hopefully just hopefully they will have put enough away to sit down and relax where their only worries will be cooking meals and helping keep the house clean…..

        • Cathy
          December 30, 2020 at 5:12 am — Reply

          I know this is old but coming from a resigned sheriff to sahm….this staying home is so freaking hard, . I would rather get into a fight on the job then do this shit over again. I can’t wait for both my little turds to be in school so I can pick up the pieces of my life and feel accomplished again. Making money is easy……I worked 60 + hours a week 20+ plus hour shifts getting 3 hours of sleep in a bunk room to hit patrol…and 2 little kids now have me pulling my hair out. The constant demands and chores amd crafts and school work etc. Etc…I’m losing my damn mind. Then my hubby gets home amd acts like he worked so much fu$%@! Harder cause he made some money. Gtfo…I made more then him 5 years ago…who paid for his damn college…housing.. car…me. Now this same man who convinced me to sah with the kids gets to criticize ME!!! Cause I’m no longer making any cheddar. Fu$#@ that….you think its so easy then do it your damn self. I could do my husbands job better plus still come home in time to cook dinner and clean up. See.. if the shoe fits…..wear it honey. That’s basically how all men feel…I could totally do the sahd better then her…..blah blah blah
          Stop complaining …look at how good you got it….making money is awesome and feels so good! Be appreciated of your wife. A little love never hurts.

          • Lynds
            April 9, 2021 at 3:40 pm


  7. Celeste
    May 25, 2019 at 1:27 pm — Reply

    I live this article. My situation is compounded in that I also educate my children. I don’t say home-school, because we are not home all the time. We travel, we explore, and we spend long hours socializing with friends and fulfilling responsibilities, like taking care of our horses (we got them because my dedicated 13 year old wants to be a horse trainer), and swim team, and music and clay and a multitude of other enrichment activities. My kids are all way above grade level in all subjects. My husband feels left behind and alone, especially when we don’t make it home in time to have a traditional meal on the table. He has expressed that he feels used. I feel like supermom, because I do these things well AND keep the house clean. But it is never good enough for him. Maybe you could add this aspect of the SAHP – the SAH Educator.

  8. Anne
    July 9, 2019 at 5:43 am — Reply

    To the men complaining the wife is home all day and the house is a mess…you’re at work all day and I’m guessing still not a millionaire. So, let the expectations of perfection and idealist life of magazine covers go.

  9. Diane
    July 30, 2019 at 2:38 pm — Reply

    I have a husband who is burned out from work. He’s often irritable and has a short fuse. I notice that he sometimes takes that out on me and acts jealous that I stay home all day with our kids. More than once he has referred to me being on a “permanent vacation” while he has to get up at 5am and commute to work. He loves to rub it in that he has to wake up oh so early while I get to sleep in. Even his father has asked me how “early retirement” is going. I’m getting so fed up with that! Yesterday my husband made a comment about the house looking messy and what did I REALLY do all day? I woke up, dealt with the kids, unpacked from a recent camping trip, did a couple loads of laundry, took our daughter to a dentist appointment, drove a hour to my mom’s house to pick up the hamster that she was babysitting while we were out of town, came home and made dinner, did the dishes and then finally sat down. Within 2 minutes of sitting down he comes in and questions me on my day. I asked him if he noticed the stuff from the camping trip being put away and actually said, “ no I didn’t notice that” and went and sat down in front of the computer to do some more work. It’s starting to really upset me. This SAHM thing was HIS idea to save us money on childcare. Now I walk on eggshells and feel a little resentful towards him.

    • Anon
      March 7, 2021 at 1:58 am — Reply

      This is my exact situation. I’m on the edge of wanting to leave because I feel like I’m doing it all on my own while my husband goes to makes the money and that’s it. I feel like I have two children instead of a son and a husband. I thought we were a team but the longer we’re married the less I feel like that.

  10. Mandi
    September 22, 2019 at 12:09 pm — Reply

    It’s hard being home with kids all day. (especially if childcare is no where in sight. No extended family nearby, etc.) While the baby sleeps I quickly clean house and cook meals. Unfortunately, my three year old has a tablet. But I don’t think I could get ANYTHING done if it wasn’t for the two hours a day of screen time. My 3 yr old also does projects, reading time, free play, park visits, etc. But it’s all exhausting. I wake up with the baby at nights, breastfeed too. Being a mom is just a hard job.

  11. SAHM
    April 9, 2021 at 3:44 pm — Reply

    Sometimes I wish I had a “Stay at Home Mom/Wife” like all the husbands out there… that would be awesome 😍… just sayin.


    • Christina
      August 4, 2021 at 4:09 am — Reply

      Love this take on things. Really puts things in perspective. ❤

    • IDGAF
      December 4, 2021 at 11:48 pm — Reply

      Shitttt, are you married? I’ll gladly apply for that SAHM position. Lol.

  12. Isab
    July 6, 2021 at 1:22 pm — Reply

    My husband pretty much lost respect for me and left me because of this. He held in resentment that everything was not perfect when he got home from work. We have been married 19 year and i have only been a SAHM in the last 4 years since we had our son. Also my husband had been gone traveling for work the entire time. My husband can only stand being around our son for 5 minutes. We also have a 17 year old who i constantly help with AP classes homework. Things my husband just could not do. Yet I am the bad person? I forgot to add i also run a small business.

  13. Pola
    December 9, 2021 at 11:21 am — Reply

    The bit about how expectations have changed for SAHM since we were kids…. I wish my mother and my MIL understood that. They don’t get why I can’t just leave our daughter to entertain herself for hours while I work on projects and the house. She’s only one year old! She’s really good at independent play for her age but she needs my attention most of the day, which means that sometimes the laundry doesn’t get folded right away. House is always clean, everyone has clean clothes, dog is always walked and dinner is always on the table so I really don’t get why it’s a massive deal if there’s a basket of clean laundry in the spare room or if there are some cups in the sink. Also I wish I had time to do the organisation projects I need to do, but most days I’m barely keeping up as baby doesn’t really sleep during the day anymore. Sorry I guess this was just a bit of a vent… thankfully my husband gets it as he shares my views on parenting and has seen first hand how hard I work since some days he works from home himself and he knows I never stop!

  14. Kizit
    March 17, 2022 at 9:50 pm — Reply

    More and more I’m certain that men and women in general are just completely incompatible. Married life is an unnatural, soul-sucking endeavor that no one should aspire to, least of all women. The only ones who win are the men: by draining women of their resources, vitality, and looks while saving 1000s on child care costs. I would say men are only good for one thing, but sadly that’s not even true in most cases.

  15. Rose
    March 18, 2022 at 3:35 pm — Reply

    I know this is old but, seeing the posts of the housewives and/or stay-at-home mothers being disrespected is heartbreaking. The amount of disrespect, misogyny, and warped mindset of them being able to take it easy and how their lives are so easy is so wrong. Not to mention ironically sexist. I’m not too sure why a lot of feminists aren’t considering this an issue because, whether someone is working outside the home or not there’s this eerie mindset of women should ‘have it together no matter. what.
    As someone who’s childfree with small business stuff like this boils my blood. It’s divisive plain and simple. From women it could be internalized sexism and for the guys foaming at the mouth about SAHM and housewives all being “lazy” (blanketed statement nonetheless) due to some negative experiences or what’s perceived on entertainment media. It’s unrealistic to expect anyone to have it 100%. Also, I’ve noticed people who tend to have this mindset are very bitter, judgemental, negative, unempathetic, and all-around hateful. Either way, issues such as this is a feminist issue and this nonsense of women vs women narrative that’s been going on for ages need to stop.
    I feel like the only reason this narrative has been going on is to keep people miserable and trapped due to our society benefiting from our misery to make more profit. That’s just my take on it.

  16. June
    May 11, 2022 at 12:34 am — Reply

    My daughter has brought her little one year old daughter home to live with me, her mother. My ex husband had the same attitude about me being lazy and was jealous he has to work even though I had two little girls and I was very organised and actually had all the housework done and dinner on the stove when he got home from work!
    Unfortunately my daughter has suffered PTSD since my granddaughter was a hairs breath away from dying with an undiagnosed heart condition at one month of age, having to be air lifted in a medical helicopter even though the doctor said it may kill her. Since then my daughter has been hyper vigilant and very protective but understandably as she has also has some food allergies, a displaced left hip ( has had to wear a brace) and is on medication for her heart. This has taken a huge toll on their relationship, well, basically destroyed it because he has even been angry when she has asked for money to buy milk or to join an exercise group so she can do something for herself whilst he has started playing a team sport and joined a gym. All this has made her withdraw from him and become defensive so she will snap at him and he feels justified to criticise her. It’s been heartbreaking for me as her mum to see her relationship end like mine and be a single parent. Now he is complaining that he doesn’t see his daughter enough even though he sees her every day! My daughter and granddaughter have lost their home and possible their future security whilst he will just take up with someone else and continue on with his life, borrowing money to pay a settlement as he has an income, keeping the house and a good future. She will be facing paying lost money in rent, loneliness and childcare costs if she goes to work etc etc etc etc and yet he’s the one complaining!

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.